"Hitbox? What's a hitbox?"
The man himself.
The Skelenegro, also known as Jessica, is the CEO and face of /v/WE and is the wife of Confuzledish
as well as an on-off wrestler. He is a former champion, taking it from Wario January 30th and retaining it five times before losing it to Ezio on February 9th.
He is voiced by John Dimaggio.
Biography
Full story of Skele: Skele's Way To Power. He is the shadowy leader who brought these champions together to fight for his amusement. Also has a promising racing career, as he relishes GOING FAST.
In the /v/WE
At first, he hid his power levels from his audience, only truly revealing them in events occuring on January 30th with newcomer Red Ranger. He has since proven himself time and time again to be a godly fighter, excelling at reversals and using his opponent's momentum against them. He is one of the only fighters able to truly beat Wario; some have speculated this as being an immunity to jew magic.
As of his January 28th fight, he is a suspected member of the Templars, as he was fighting Ezio Auditore da Firenze who requested too many LADDERS which could break budget of /v/WE. On January 30th, after the championship between newcomer Red Ranger and reigning champ Wario, Red Ranger took the loss badly and assaulted Wario backstage, badly injuring him. The Skelenegro needed to show him how to respect, and so called him into his office. After a brief but vicious struggle, the Skelenegro destroyed him.
Reigning Champion
Like a CEO
But this wasn't enough. The Skelenegro decided to enter the ring, still badly bruised, to have a shot at the championship. He called Wario back to the ring and the Champion tried his luck for the second time that day. After another vicious battle that took its toll on both fighters, the Skelenegro emerged victorious through double pin and became both CEO and Champion of /v/WE.
He fought to defend his title on 30th January 2012 against Ezio and after a long hard fight he came away with his title still with him. Shortly after though on the way back from defending his title his rival Gabe 'Gaben' Newell attacked him in a backstage fight in the GM Office and due the massive injuries he had already sustained Gabe came out victorious. On the same day also once again fought for his title this time against Donkey Kong. The Skelenegro, with the aid of Wario mid game still defeated the what seemed like the unstoppable ape train and continued as /v/WE champion.
You're next.
On the 31st January, Skelenegro organised 2 more tournaments; 2 Royal Rumbles. The eventual winners of these battles were The Incredible Hulk, and the familiar Wario, and after facing off Wario came out victorious. Which led to the familiar situation: Wario vs. Skelenegro for the championship.
During the fight Skelenegro shown his extrordinary strength, picking up Wario multiple times with one hand. He also shown his ability to lay traps, at one point staying completely still for a minute to lure Wario over before smashing his face against the corner. Phoenix Wright objected to this treatment and tried to intervene, but Skelenegro ejected him from the fight with one strike. He won shortly later through pinfall, retaining his title and once again beating Wario.
On February 1st, Big Boss, after winning with Fauxhound in a tag team competition and performing crazy ninja shit, decided to challenge Skelenegro for the champion title. Big Boss initially put up a fight and was pretty even with Jessica, even pinning the CEO down for 2 seconds. However, fate reared its ugly head and Skelenegro proceeded to prance into the battle and help Skelenegro sodomize Big Boss. From then on, it was all downhill. Big Boss got some good blows in, but Skelenegro turned out to be more than he could handle. Big Boss was pinned two times and defeated, with Skelenegro reigning champion in the end. Big Boss was afterwards shown covering his face in dismay and shame.
It is rumoured that he takes steroids has a natural affinity to fighting and revels in conflict.
A rare photograph of our CEO in his younger days.
Skelenegro's reign of terror finally came to an end in a single extreme rules match against arguably his biggest rival, Ezio Auditore da Firenze. It was a brutal 28 minute long match, that saw Skelenegro displaying his mastery of Jewish sorcery and Gaben attacking Skelenegro again. Skelenegro was unable to land a pin, but he bloodied the Italian assassin and put up a fierce fight before relinquishing his title. After the match, Ezio extended a hand to put their rivalry in the past. The CEO wouldn't have it though, and stormed from the ring in a black rage. There can be no doubt that the Skelenegro will return; for what is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger.
Matches
Skelenegro lights up the night with his Jewish sorcery in a match against Ezio.
He chooses his battles mainly through title defence or as reasons of pride. Some notable instances:
- Beat down the unstoppable Red Ranger after he went out of line by attacking then-champion Wario backstage.
- Beat Wario to become champion.
- Defended his title against Ezio.
- Beaten by Gaben in a backstage brawl.
- Went on defend his title with the assistance of eternal rival Wario against DK, despite massive injuries from nearly being devoured by Gaben.
- Defeated Wario in a title defence.
- 28 minute match against Ezio, where he finally lost his title
25 skelenegros getting ready to throw down
Royal Rumbles
- There was once a Royal Rumble which involved 25 Skelenegros.
- Has participated in many Royal Rumbles, but has always been thrown out and can never stay too long in the ring.
- Has not participated in a Rumble since he became champion.
Theme song
- Hiring wrestlers
LIKE A BAWS
- Kicking Red Ranger ASS
LIKE A BAWS
- Feeding GABEN
LIKE A BAWS.